Sunday Soul – Drowned In The Shallows Of Love’s Deep Waters

POSTSCRIPT:

I’ve been working hard on myself lately. Digging down deep into my belief that there is some form of virtue in scarcity. I’ve been looking closely at how this affects my personal relationships too. I’ve got this “romantic” thread through my tapestry which leaves me feeling that the love I “lost” is the true love, and all this radiant abundance in front of me is trivial at best. I’m not saying I lay on my kitchen floor weeping (even though sometimes when there’s nothing else to do, I do) or that I’m standing around in a speedo with my Gazelles on rocking the ladies (even though sometimes it feels like I am,) but the way this appears to pan out is that I’m a fairly happy man with a lot on his mind and lot to do. On my many travels and adventures around town, and around the world I entertain a little, and meet amazing people all the time. I feel connected, supported and I feel loved. I have a good life. But once in a while someone comes along that really knocks my socks right off. I fall in and adore every second of it. The trouble appears to be that these “someone’s” are usually beautiful, smart, amazing, and captivating. I give all I got, and dive my pretty head down deep into the waters of love. It’s amazing for a little while, but then I find myself in what feels like crisis. I am stuck in the soft mud, and can not tell which way is up. I reach out my hands and look to the water herself to save me. Typically I drown. Love must die in order for me to survive. And then I fight my way back to the surface, and try to make some sense of what happened. It never really makes sense.

Recently I’ve come to marvel over a couple of things. First is that the idea that I am “drowning” is not exactly accurate. Love is deep, and her waters are calm and beautiful, as well as raw and frightening torrents. When we meet at our core wounding there is work to be done. I am not someone who believes that “when I get _______ then everything is going to be awesome.” I know that everything is already awesome. I also know that when love walks in is when the work really begins. Love, per se, is not an end, but a beginning. And so this soft mud, these waves which pull me under appear to be more of a distortion of my perception than anything else. And it has occurred to me that I am not in water which is terribly deep. Rather, I am laying flat in the shallows of love. Perhaps this drowning is only a matter of perception and all I need to do is simply use my own resources and stand up and feel the warm sun on my face, and take a deep breath. From there I am free to choose to dive back down, swim further out, or even head back to shore. Either way the choice is actually mine (but of course it never really feels like it is.)

This idea that “if only you would __________ then I would be fine” is a lie. In fact this sort of misdirection of the truth is a sort of compass from within my heart. When I encounter this it is as if I have taken my first step in the wrong direction. My heart is telling me “Look, do you see? This is not the right road.” But in romantic situations I don’t listen. And it isn’t because I want to be loved so badly, or because I want to heal some ancient wound I feel can be magically healed in only the way love can heal, but rather because I seem to believe that by depriving myself of the connection, understanding, kinship and home which my heart longs for that somehow I will be redeemed, purified, and set free. You see? Scarcity is virtue. And what of my heart? For all my faith in love I still seem to feel that I don’t deserve to be met, adored, held, supported, or truly loved. I put my romantic notions into the lack of love, and can not see the waves from the water all around me. As if to say “Love is pain, and I am the cure” while in truth I absolutely understand and believe that love is beautiful and I am grateful. But when we reach an clearing, or a fork in the road, I never seem to wave quietly with all the love in my heart and say “thank you.” Instead I carry on down your path, fall to my knees and inevitably drown in the shallows of love’s deep waters.

Today I offer these observations to the stars, and stand up, aching to be authentically true to myself and honor my heart. I have so much empathy and compassion for you and your heart. I do, it’s true. But while this bonfire burns I will honor my own light, and stand up from this swamp, spit the waters from my mouth, and bravely head to sea. Not in hopes of deeper suffering or less than what we found on shore, but following my compass, and trusting in the breeze of an endless horizon.

Last night’s transmission was a lovely and wonderful adventure. We began at 11pm instead of 9 because I’d been in Salt Lake City for Saturday night and my flight wasn’t going to land until 9. The flight was delayed and it looked like Sunday Soul was actually going to get pushed back another hour or more. But as luck would have it, we landed at 10:30 and my sweet cousin collected me at SFO and we raced back to my flat where I set up my gear and got my head together in 30 minutes and we began. Listenership was strong, and we got together. I was tired from my journey, but I wanted to express this thread very much. I opened my heart, sunk into the depth, and let all my love just come out.

Here is the track listing for Sunday Soul – Drowned In The Shallows Of Love’s Deep Waters

1. Sunday Soul – Program ID
2. The Unexplored Land of Love – Leonid Nevermind
* introduction
3. Final – Art Of Tones Disco Dub – Evan Evans
* drowning in your waters
4. Freeze Frame – YSE Saint Laur’Ant
5. Lovers Dub – The Noodleman
6. We’ve Only Just Begun – TM Juke Remix – Lee Mc Donald
7. Woohoo – H.O.S.H.
8. Love Honey – Man Friday
9. Kolm̴rden РEric Timpleton
10. Pure Luxury Transport – Short Space Mix – Panavision
* sinking down
11. Voices Inside My Head – Belabouche Edit – The Police
12. Third World – Paladin
13. Afrika – Graz Edit – Graz Edits
14. Lets Get High – Afro Rebel Music – Rotted Channel
15. Gone – Meloman, Javi Bora
16. Warm Sun On My Face – Sunshine Jones *
17. You Keep on Moving – T2MM Edit – The Two Mamarrachos
18. Market St – Red Eye & Julien Nolan Remix – Thomas Toccafondi
19. Under Stegen – Eric Timpleton
20. Don’t Leave me – Franck Roger
21. True – Monte
22. Roller King – Jon Billick
23. Fall Down Remix – Don Crisp Remix – Sunshine Jones
24. Baby You’re a Rich Man – Virgin Magnetic Material Remix – The Beatles
25. You Can’t Hide (Your Love From Me) – Sunshine Jones Re Edit – David Joseph
26. See Blind Through – DJ Harvey Remix – Canyons
27. Moon – Das Moth
28. Vision Of Love – BICEP
29. When The Summers Gone – Soul Minority
30. Sloppy Angel – The Noodleman
31. Love Chains – Max Essa Dub – The Bionics
32. Illumination – The Rotating Assembly
33. Love And Feeling – Sleep D Mix – Chet Faker
34. Sunday Soul – Program ID
35. Can You Feel It – Christian Prommer
36. Sunday Soul – Program ID

Total Running Time: 03 Hours 10 Minutes 35 Seconds
* Performed Live

September 30, 2012